sheetwright
Northwoods Snowmobiling Facebook
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How to prepare yourself for snowmobiling
1. Go to your local snowmobile repair shop, smile and give the first guy you see $200. This will get you used to spending money there on a regular basis.
2. Fill a 50-gallon barrel with sand. Lower it into a hole. Now lift it out. If you can, add water to the sand and try it again. Do this 5 times per day. This will get your back in shape for lifting your sled out of the deep snow.
3. Tie a rope to a heavy-duty spring. Pull the rope repeatedly with each arm until the pain in your shoulders meets somewhere in middle your back. This will get you in shape for starting your buds sled, which he conveniently forgot was out of gas. It's best to do this exercise while someone is spraying starting fluid into your nose and eyes also.
4. Drink four ounces of cod liver oil mixed with a strong laxative. Dress with long underwear, wool pants, snowmobile bibs, insulated boots and heavy coat. Walk far into the woods without any paper products and wait for a personal emergency. This get you prepare for the Beer edit for bad language that come out of nowhere, and at the wrong time.
5. Place your hands in a bucket of ice water for 20 minutes. Put the carburetor from your lawn mower in the bottom of your deep freeze. Now climb in the deep freeze, shut the lid and overhaul it while holding a pen light in your mouth. This gets you prepared to work on your sled in the freezing cold and black of night. Advanced riders do this with a leatherman tool
7. Dress up in your new $350 snowmobile bibs. Pour 2 stroke oil down the right leg, gasoline down the other and Peppermint Schnapps and Beer all over the front. Fill your boots with ice cubes and ask your wife or girlfriend to dance. This will prepare her for the stops at the local bar after a ride.
8. Put on a Balaclava and a full-face helmet. Attempt to drink hot chocolate through the opening. Advanced riders attempt this while riding a lawn tractor over in the nearest farmers' field.
9. Find a place where you can pay $5 a gallon for regular gas; $19.99 per quart of oil; $20 for a hamburger and frozen French fries; $4 for a coke and $100 to sleep in a cold cabin on a bed with springs sticking through the mattress. Stay for two nights, minimum. This will prepare you on the high cost of your future winter trips.
10. Practice explaining to your banker why you need another loan for a $50,000 truck to pull the four $12,000 toys, in your $10,000 trailer that you still owe $40,000 on.
1. Go to your local snowmobile repair shop, smile and give the first guy you see $200. This will get you used to spending money there on a regular basis.
2. Fill a 50-gallon barrel with sand. Lower it into a hole. Now lift it out. If you can, add water to the sand and try it again. Do this 5 times per day. This will get your back in shape for lifting your sled out of the deep snow.
3. Tie a rope to a heavy-duty spring. Pull the rope repeatedly with each arm until the pain in your shoulders meets somewhere in middle your back. This will get you in shape for starting your buds sled, which he conveniently forgot was out of gas. It's best to do this exercise while someone is spraying starting fluid into your nose and eyes also.
4. Drink four ounces of cod liver oil mixed with a strong laxative. Dress with long underwear, wool pants, snowmobile bibs, insulated boots and heavy coat. Walk far into the woods without any paper products and wait for a personal emergency. This get you prepare for the Beer edit for bad language that come out of nowhere, and at the wrong time.
5. Place your hands in a bucket of ice water for 20 minutes. Put the carburetor from your lawn mower in the bottom of your deep freeze. Now climb in the deep freeze, shut the lid and overhaul it while holding a pen light in your mouth. This gets you prepared to work on your sled in the freezing cold and black of night. Advanced riders do this with a leatherman tool
7. Dress up in your new $350 snowmobile bibs. Pour 2 stroke oil down the right leg, gasoline down the other and Peppermint Schnapps and Beer all over the front. Fill your boots with ice cubes and ask your wife or girlfriend to dance. This will prepare her for the stops at the local bar after a ride.
8. Put on a Balaclava and a full-face helmet. Attempt to drink hot chocolate through the opening. Advanced riders attempt this while riding a lawn tractor over in the nearest farmers' field.
9. Find a place where you can pay $5 a gallon for regular gas; $19.99 per quart of oil; $20 for a hamburger and frozen French fries; $4 for a coke and $100 to sleep in a cold cabin on a bed with springs sticking through the mattress. Stay for two nights, minimum. This will prepare you on the high cost of your future winter trips.
10. Practice explaining to your banker why you need another loan for a $50,000 truck to pull the four $12,000 toys, in your $10,000 trailer that you still owe $40,000 on.
rupprider
Expert
#7-- Only too true in the old daze. pun intended!
DGZRT
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Wholly Crap!! I think No. 5 is the best analogy I have ever heard of fixing my buddy's sled in the middle of the woods at 3 in the morning. It felt just like that.
Number 4 rings true for me ... being far from any amenities with no toilet paper is a mistake you only make ONCE!
sorenson1610
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Lol that's pretty good! 
thor452
Because I can
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At least you got snow lolOVR4D said:
thor452 said:
Wiping my arse on the snow like a dog with worms is the last thing I wanted to do in that situation
Truth be told - I was on a short ride with my daughter when the urge hit. I pulled off the trail a little ways, shut down, and started rifling through my gear bag for paper products. Nothing! Having no better options, I asked my daughter for her scarf. I can't begin to describe the look on my then 8-year old daughter's face when it dawned on her why I wanted it. With scarf in hand, I marched off into the woods as quickly as I possibly could with clenched cheeks, trying to get as far from view as believed would be safe. When I could go no further, I disrobed, leaving my jacket and bibs hanging from a nearby branch, and holding onto another sturdy low hanging branch, I hung my arse out into the wind as if I was performing some kind of deep yoga squat. Thinking things couldn't get any worse, I happened to notice that there in the tree above me, was a deer stand. And mounted to the trunk of the tree just below the stand was a trail cam. To this day I can only hope that there was no memory card in that trail cam ... so much for making a CLEAN get away!
WANN4STROKE
TY 4 Stroke Junkie
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2001 MtnMax-sold
1998 VMAX 500-totalled
Now that made my day. Damn near fell out of my chair!
sheetwright
Northwoods Snowmobiling Facebook
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OVR4D said:thor452 said:
Wiping my arse on the snow like a dog with worms is the last thing I wanted to do in that situation
Truth be told - I was on a short ride with my daughter when the urge hit. I pulled off the trail a little ways, shut down, and started rifling through my gear bag for paper products. Nothing! Having no better options, I asked my daughter for her scarf. I can't begin to describe the look on my then 8-year old daughter's face when it dawned on her why I wanted it. With scarf in hand, I marched off into the woods as quickly as I possibly could with clenched cheeks, trying to get as far from view as believed would be safe. When I could go no further, I disrobed, leaving my jacket and bibs hanging from a nearby branch, and holding onto another sturdy low hanging branch, I hung my arse out into the wind as if I was performing some kind of deep yoga squat. Thinking things couldn't get any worse, I happened to notice that there in the tree above me, was a deer stand. And mounted to the trunk of the tree just below the stand was a trail cam. To this day I can only hope that there was no memory card in that trail cam ... so much for making a CLEAN get away!
Now that is some funny $hit, pardon the pun
