- Joined
- Apr 13, 2003
- Messages
- 21,591
- Age
- 55
- Location
- Schofield, WI
- Website
- www.totallyamaha.com
- Country
- USA
- Snowmobile
- 2020 Sidewinder SRX
EVER WONDER
Why the sun lightens our hair, but
darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do
"practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you
have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial
flavor, and dishwashing liquid made
with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest
traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved
tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two
mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for
lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box
that is used on airplanes? Why don't
they make the whole plane out of that
stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when
they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is
Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call
the airport the terminal?
Why the sun lightens our hair, but
darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do
"practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you
have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial
flavor, and dishwashing liquid made
with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest
traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved
tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two
mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for
lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box
that is used on airplanes? Why don't
they make the whole plane out of that
stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when
they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is
Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call
the airport the terminal?
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2003
- Messages
- 21,591
- Age
- 55
- Location
- Schofield, WI
- Website
- www.totallyamaha.com
- Country
- USA
- Snowmobile
- 2020 Sidewinder SRX
Only in America!!!
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house
faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America.....are there
handicap parking places in front of a
skating rink.
3. Only in America.....do drugstores
make the sick walk all the way to the
back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy
cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America.....do people order
double cheeseburgers, large fries,
and a diet coke.
5. Only in America.....do banks leave
both doors open and then chain the
pens to the counters.
6. Only in America.....do we leave cars
worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and put our useless junk in the
garage.
7. Only in America.....do we use
answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a
call from someone we didn't want
to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot
dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.
9. Only in America.....do we use the
word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poll' in Latin meaning 'many' and
'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America.....do they have
drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering.
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house
faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America.....are there
handicap parking places in front of a
skating rink.
3. Only in America.....do drugstores
make the sick walk all the way to the
back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy
cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America.....do people order
double cheeseburgers, large fries,
and a diet coke.
5. Only in America.....do banks leave
both doors open and then chain the
pens to the counters.
6. Only in America.....do we leave cars
worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and put our useless junk in the
garage.
7. Only in America.....do we use
answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a
call from someone we didn't want
to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot
dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.
9. Only in America.....do we use the
word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poll' in Latin meaning 'many' and
'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America.....do they have
drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering.
Only in america would we be mad becuase Janet Jackson showed her BooB!!!!!!!!
4Fighter
TY 4 Stroke God
There's a fella in England, I think, who taste tests dog and cat food. Seen it on TV, it must be real :lol:
Indy
TY 4 Stroke God
Since we are posting some internet thoughts to ponder, how about these?
FDR led us into WW11, Germany never attacked us, Japan did. From 41 to 45 450,000 lives lost, avg 112,500 per year.
Truman finished that war and started the war with Korea, Korea never attecked us. 50 to 53 55,000 lives lost avg of 18,333 per year.
JFK started Vietnam, Vietnam never atacked us.
Johnson turned Vietnam into a quagmire. From 65 to 75 58,000 lives lost, 5,800 per year.
Clinton went to war in Bosnia w/o UN or French Consent. Bosnia never attacked us. He was offered Osama bin Ladens head 3 times by Sudan and did nothing.
In 2 years since 9-11, President Bush has liberated 2 countries, crushed the Taliban, crippled the al-Quida, put nuclear inspectors in Lybia, Iran, and North Korea w/o firing a shot, and captured a terrorist who slaughtered 300,000 of his own people. We lost 600 soldiers, an avg. of 300 a year. Bush did all of this abroad, while not allowing another terrorist attack at home.
The democrats are saying he is the worst President ever, but . . .
It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound, that was a 51 day operation. :shock:
We've been looking for evidence of chemical weapons in Iraq for less time than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records. :shock:
It took less time for the 3rd infantry Division and the Marines to destroy Sadam's Medina Republican Guard than it took Teddy Kennedy to call the police after his Olds sank at Chappaquiddick. :shock:
>
It took less time to take Iraq than it took to count the votes in Florida
FDR led us into WW11, Germany never attacked us, Japan did. From 41 to 45 450,000 lives lost, avg 112,500 per year.
Truman finished that war and started the war with Korea, Korea never attecked us. 50 to 53 55,000 lives lost avg of 18,333 per year.
JFK started Vietnam, Vietnam never atacked us.
Johnson turned Vietnam into a quagmire. From 65 to 75 58,000 lives lost, 5,800 per year.
Clinton went to war in Bosnia w/o UN or French Consent. Bosnia never attacked us. He was offered Osama bin Ladens head 3 times by Sudan and did nothing.
In 2 years since 9-11, President Bush has liberated 2 countries, crushed the Taliban, crippled the al-Quida, put nuclear inspectors in Lybia, Iran, and North Korea w/o firing a shot, and captured a terrorist who slaughtered 300,000 of his own people. We lost 600 soldiers, an avg. of 300 a year. Bush did all of this abroad, while not allowing another terrorist attack at home.
The democrats are saying he is the worst President ever, but . . .
It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound, that was a 51 day operation. :shock:
We've been looking for evidence of chemical weapons in Iraq for less time than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records. :shock:
It took less time for the 3rd infantry Division and the Marines to destroy Sadam's Medina Republican Guard than it took Teddy Kennedy to call the police after his Olds sank at Chappaquiddick. :shock:
> It took less time to take Iraq than it took to count the votes in Florida
Indy
TY 4 Stroke God
The Internal Revenue Service sends an auditor to a synagogue. The
auditor is doing all the checks and then turns to the Rabbi, and says, "I
noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
>>> > >
"Yes," answered the Rabbi.
>>> > >
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.
>>> > >
"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up and when we
have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and
then, they send us a free box of candles."
>>> > >
"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his unusual question
actually had a practical answer.
>>> > >
"Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the
crumbs from the matzo?"
>>> > >
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up all the
crumbs from the matzo and when we have enough, we send them in a box back
to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo
balls."
>>> > >
"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the
circumcisions?"
>>> > >
"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. What we do is save
up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the
Internal Revenue Service"
>>> > >
"Internal Revenue?!," questioned the auditor in disbelief.
>>> > >
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "Internal Revenue ... and about once a
year, they send us a little dick like you."
auditor is doing all the checks and then turns to the Rabbi, and says, "I
noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
>>> > >
"Yes," answered the Rabbi.
>>> > >
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.
>>> > >
"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up and when we
have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and
then, they send us a free box of candles."
>>> > >
"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his unusual question
actually had a practical answer.
>>> > >
"Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the
crumbs from the matzo?"
>>> > >
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up all the
crumbs from the matzo and when we have enough, we send them in a box back
to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo
balls."
>>> > >
"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the
circumcisions?"
>>> > >
"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. What we do is save
up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the
Internal Revenue Service"
>>> > >
"Internal Revenue?!," questioned the auditor in disbelief.
>>> > >
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "Internal Revenue ... and about once a
year, they send us a little dick like you."
Indy
TY 4 Stroke God
Homer walks into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sits down next to this blonde at the bar and stares up at the TV.
The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looks at Homer and says, " Do you think he will jump?"
Homer says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Homer placed $20 dollars on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 dollars to Homer and said, "All is fair. Here is your money."
Homer replies, " I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replies, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looks at Homer and says, " Do you think he will jump?"
Homer says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Homer placed $20 dollars on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 dollars to Homer and said, "All is fair. Here is your money."
Homer replies, " I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replies, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Indy
TY 4 Stroke God
Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman pinscher, and
the other had a Chihuahua.
As they sauntered down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her
friend, "Let's go over to that bar and have a drink."
The one with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got our dogs
with us."
The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead."
They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of
dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bartender said, "Sorry, Madame, no pets allowed."
The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand; this is my
seeing-eye dog."
The bartender said, "A Doberman Pinscher?"
"Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
"OK, come on in."
The lady with the Chihuahua figured convincing him a Chihuahua was a guide
dog may be too far-fetched, but thought what the heck, we¹ll give it a try,
so she also put on a pair of dark glasses and walked in.
Predictably, the bartender said, "Sorry, Madame, no pets allowed."
The one with the Chihuahua said, "You don't understand. This is my
seeing-eye dog."
"A Chihuahua? As a seeing-eye dog?²
"A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?"
the other had a Chihuahua.
As they sauntered down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her
friend, "Let's go over to that bar and have a drink."
The one with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got our dogs
with us."
The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead."
They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of
dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bartender said, "Sorry, Madame, no pets allowed."
The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand; this is my
seeing-eye dog."
The bartender said, "A Doberman Pinscher?"
"Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
"OK, come on in."
The lady with the Chihuahua figured convincing him a Chihuahua was a guide
dog may be too far-fetched, but thought what the heck, we¹ll give it a try,
so she also put on a pair of dark glasses and walked in.
Predictably, the bartender said, "Sorry, Madame, no pets allowed."
The one with the Chihuahua said, "You don't understand. This is my
seeing-eye dog."
"A Chihuahua? As a seeing-eye dog?²
"A Chihuahua? They gave me a
Chihuahua?"Indy
TY 4 Stroke God
Impalapower, what was that Joke about the Jetsons and the future, maybe you shouldn't post that here.
Sure can tell the snow is gone!
Sure can tell the snow is gone!
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2003
- Messages
- 21,591
- Age
- 55
- Location
- Schofield, WI
- Website
- www.totallyamaha.com
- Country
- USA
- Snowmobile
- 2020 Sidewinder SRX
Wow look what I started....LOL >
>
monker
TY 4 Stroke Guru
ok, ponder this.....
Where does the white go when the snow melts???
Where does the white go when the snow melts???
OK, new forum area Jokes :lol:
05rxwarrior
Veteran
Why is the sky blue
Why is water wet
Why is water wet
Viper34
Pro
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2003
- Messages
- 138
I should be practicing Japanese, but Chinese seemed much easier to learn...
1) That’s not right……………………Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?..........Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP…………………..Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man……………………..D Fuk
5) Small horse……………………..Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach?............Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table……Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift……..Chin Tu Fat
9) It’s very dark in here…………….Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were in diet……….Wai Yu Mun Ching?
11) This is a tow away zone………….No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week…Wai Yu Kum Nao?
13) Staying out of sight……………….Lei Ying Lo
14) He’s cleaning his automobile……..Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive………Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Geat……………………………….Fa Kin Su Pa
1) That’s not right……………………Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?..........Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP…………………..Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man……………………..D Fuk
5) Small horse……………………..Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach?............Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table……Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift……..Chin Tu Fat
9) It’s very dark in here…………….Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were in diet……….Wai Yu Mun Ching?
11) This is a tow away zone………….No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week…Wai Yu Kum Nao?
13) Staying out of sight……………….Lei Ying Lo
14) He’s cleaning his automobile……..Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive………Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Geat……………………………….Fa Kin Su Pa
Indy
TY 4 Stroke God
Hey Viper, Fa kin fa ni!
