Flipper
Expert
- Joined
- Oct 31, 2003
- Messages
- 332
- Location
- Ottawa, ON
- Country
- Canada
- Snowmobile
- 2018 SideWinder LTX LE 50th
- LOCATION
- Ottawa
Why do we drive on the parkway and park in the driveway?
Yakuza
Expert
How do priests get nuns pregnant? They dress them up as choir boys.
Yakuza
Expert
Mrs. B B King wanted to surprice her husband so she had each of her butt cheek tattooed the letter B. So later that evening she tells him, honey I've got a nice surprice for you-----she pulls down her pants----pulls down her panties-----bends over-----look look look------he replies----WHO'S BOB. :shock:
A
Anonymous
Life isn't like a box of chocolates...it's more like a jar of
jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your #*$&@ tomorrow.
>
jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your #*$&@ tomorrow.
>
Got this one today too funny
Men strike back! ! ! ! ! ! !
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.
---------------------------------------------------------- Why do women
have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer
to the kitchen sink.
----------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.,"
----------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
----------------------------------------------------------
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
----------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
----------------------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
----------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
----------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
---------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
----------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they
are sexy.
--------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
---------------------------------------------------------
Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and
to the select few women who can handle the truth
Men strike back! ! ! ! ! ! !
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.
---------------------------------------------------------- Why do women
have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer
to the kitchen sink.
----------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.,"
----------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
----------------------------------------------------------
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
----------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
----------------------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
----------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
----------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
---------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
----------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they
are sexy.
--------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
---------------------------------------------------------
Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and
to the select few women who can handle the truth
A
Anonymous
Retirement Plan
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now
be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00
With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of Beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling price, you would have $214.00.
Based on the above, current investment advice is to drink heavily and
recycle.
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now
be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00
With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of Beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling price, you would have $214.00.
Based on the above, current investment advice is to drink heavily and
recycle.
A
Anonymous
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it,
I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed dept. store. I walked around with her while she tried on several
different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so
I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment
her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the
jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell
you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier".
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel
like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why
can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it,
I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed dept. store. I walked around with her while she tried on several
different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so
I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment
her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the
jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell
you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier".
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel
like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why
can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
A
Anonymous
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father.
"The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that gun...'"
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father.
"The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that gun...'"
buddah
Lifetime Member
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2003
- Messages
- 1,483
- Location
- Wetmore, MI
- Country
- USA
- Snowmobile
- '17 Sidewinder B-TX LE
A congregation is sitting in a small country church. There's a blinding flash of light and Satan appears before them. People run screaming for the exits except for one old guy in the 3rd row.
Satan looks at the old guy and says "Don't you know who I am?".
Old guy says "Sure do".
Satan says "Don't you realize I can send you to burn in H*ll for eternity with just a snap of my fingers?" Old guy says "Yep".
Satan says "Well why aren't you afraid of me?"
Old guy responds "Been married to your sister for 48 years".
Satan looks at the old guy and says "Don't you know who I am?".
Old guy says "Sure do".
Satan says "Don't you realize I can send you to burn in H*ll for eternity with just a snap of my fingers?" Old guy says "Yep".
Satan says "Well why aren't you afraid of me?"
Old guy responds "Been married to your sister for 48 years".
monker
TY 4 Stroke Guru
A recent study found out which days men prefer to have sex.
It was found that men preferred to engage in sexual activity on the
days that started with the letter "T".
Examples of those days are as follows:
Tuesday
Thursday
Thanksgiving
Today
Tomorrow
Thaturday
Thunday
It was found that men preferred to engage in sexual activity on the
days that started with the letter "T".
Examples of those days are as follows:
Tuesday
Thursday
Thanksgiving
Today
Tomorrow
Thaturday
Thunday
Yakuza
Expert
Elizabeth Taylor wakes up after a pu$$y tuck operation and she see's three bouquets of flowers. Nurse tells her that one is from her husband, second one is from our staff thanking you for choosing our hospital and the third one is from Mr. Smith. Who the hell is Mr. Smith asked Ms. Taylor, nurse replies, he's the burn victim next door to you and he want's to thank you for his new set of ears. :lol:
Bob Miller
TY 4 Stroke Master
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2003
- Messages
- 1,322
- Location
- New Milford CT
- Country
- USA
- Snowmobile
- Present Sled: 2011 Yamaha Apex 128
HEAVEN'S SWEET 
HELL'S HOT :evil: :itchy:
YOUR GOING TO ONE :exc:
READY OR NOT! :roll: :| :twisted: :mrgreen: :? :shock:
HELL'S HOT :evil: :itchy:
YOUR GOING TO ONE :exc:
READY OR NOT! :roll: :| :twisted: :mrgreen: :? :shock:
