You think Manitoba is fun, try Saskatchewan:
Issued by the Saskatchewan Tourism Bureau to all visiting citizens
of the U.S., other provinces, territories and holdings. In order
for your visit to our province to be pleasant, safe and
uneventful(yes, we like it that way) please read and adhere to the
following guidelines:
1)Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at a small town cafe.
It's a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook
something they know. If you upset the ladies in the kitchen they'll
kick your #*$&@.
2)Don't laugh at the names of our little towns (Climax, Love, Prince
Albert or Pilot Butte) or we will just HAVE to kick your #*$&@.
3)Don't order a bottle or a can of soda. Up here it's called Pop.
Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an #*$&@ kicking.
4)We know our heritage, are literate, educated and generally a lot
nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hicks or we'll kick your #*$&@.
5)Don't laugh at the Moose Jaw Moose. Anything that inspires
tourists
to buy 50,000 postcards can't be bad. When you're in Moose Jaw don't
point at the huge genitalia on the giant moose or we'll kick your
#*$&@.
6)We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so shut
the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here or
we'll kick your #*$&@.
7)Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner. Everyone
will instantly know that you're a tourist. Eat your steak well-done
like
God intended and have some potatoes with that, for cripe's sake! Also,
don't ask what a prairie oyster is or we'll kick your #*$&@.
8)Don't try to fake a Saskatchewan accent. We don't have an accent.
Do NOT mention Grant Devine, Bryan Mulroney or Jean Chretien as that
will incite a riot and you will get your #*$&@ kicked by a mob.
9)Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we
know better. Many of us have visited big-city hell-holes like Detroit,
New York, and LA, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't
like it here, Air Canada flies out of the province twice a day. Move
your #*$&@ on home before it gets kicked.
10)Yes, we know that ice fishing is "not your thing." We don't
care. If you don't understand the beauty of being out on a lake when
it's -15 degrees then you should go home and try fishing in New York
Harbor. Also, don't hog the heater in the fish house or we'll kick
your #*$&@.
11)Don't complain that most of Saskatchewan is flat and that there
aren't enough trees. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty we'll
kick your #*$&@ all the way back to gorgeous Cleveland.
12)Don't ridicule our mannerisms. We only speak when spoken to. We
hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because
such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves
around our sweet, little grey-haired grandmothers or they will kick
some manners into your #*$&@ just like they did ours.
13)So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live on
the prairie? That's because we have enough sense to not live in
filthy, smelly,crime-infested cesspools like New York or LA. Make
fun of our fresh air and we'll kick your #*$&@.
14)Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come out here and tell us how
the prairie should "go back to the buffalo." This will get your #*$&@
shot(right after it is kicked).